walkingshadow: anne taintor. it's not easy being easy. (weeds: waiting for my rocket to come)
the application process is not going so well; i'm considering just shooting myself in the head instead. it would at least be quicker.

current tally: one (1) professor happy to write a letter, one (1) professor happy to write a letter but unsure if he's really the best source of a recommendation (for many truly excellent reasons), and one (1) professor who would be happy to write a letter, if only he'd known me for more than five minutes weeks. so i need another referral source, except that there really isn't anyone else. i made sure of it! and i'm honestly not sure if it's a fixable problem; it's not like i've built a time machine in the last year and a half so i can go back and forge stronger relationships throughout my undergraduate career. though that certainly would have been a better use of those idle days!

still need to finish the statement of objectives (though i found old livejournal entries that will be PERFECT for recycling) which professor #2 would like to see so he can have a better idea of "how i am presenting myself in the application, and how i am defining my goals"—when do i get to give up this horrible ruse about HAVING GOALS IN THE FIRST PLACE? i still need to have ETS send my GRE scores; and i still need to figure out how i would be paying for this little lark and fill out the financial statement. still need to track down the titles and authors of the textbooks i used in all my courses, and WOW does that sound like a lot of work. if only i'd left myself more than a month do to all of this! if only!

oh, and through a series of misadventures, both my mother and a. and l. have found out about this delusional pipe dream. AWESOME. the only thing better than being a fuck-up is when everyone gets to follow the trajectories of your failures.

in other news, i'm wearing jeans to the office today because a) it's FRIDAY THANK CHRIST, b) sister c., the admin, is out of town (also the reason i am wearing backless shoes), c) m. has been wearing jeans ALL WEEK ANYWAY because we keep saying we're going to shift the files in the file room, but, you know, we haven't, and d) i seriously, seriously need to do laundry.

in addition to laundry, what i should really do this weekend is come in and file for hours and hours so i can have a chance in hell of catching everything up before the holidays. YOU CAN SEE THE COUNTERS AGAIN GUYS, MERRY CHRISTMAS.

this morning i fell in love with this song: the hold steady - boys and girls in america
walkingshadow: anne taintor. it's not easy being easy. (sga: the cure was scotch and water)
this morning i finally sent out the effing emails soliciting recommendation letters. if anyone needs me today, i'll be in the file room having a panic attack.
walkingshadow: anne taintor. it's not easy being easy. (jf: this week's love song)
baby's first anonymous love meme! if you are full of holiday cheer, or are not full of holiday cheer but would like to share some anonymous love anyway, my thread is here!

i don't think i've seen this recced anywhere, but i wholeheartedly recommend you download and watch—perhaps repeatedly, as i have done!—[livejournal.com profile] kitakatzz's sga vid welcome to the black parade. i'm working on an overly long and gushing review, but the condensed version is !!!1! and <3!

today will be a good day. i don't know what i'm doing with the computer bag and two—two!—laptop sleeves now in my possession, though i think the postal service will be involved; and i'm continuing to drive myself crazy over the idea, but m. gives the thumbs up to applying to—and possibly ATTENDING—grad school on a whim, so here i go! i will decimate the stacks of paper before me this week, and also i will buy boots this week, and also this week, perhaps, i will wander on down to the gym to remind myself what it looks like. and what i look like when i'm wandering by there regularly! it will be a good day! exclamation marks are the best of omens.
walkingshadow: anne taintor. it's not easy being easy. (sga: with a TOOTHBRUSH)
a. thanksgiving by the numbers: TWO parents and ONE cousin up from florida for SEVEN days, ONE niece home from college, and TWO in-laws driving down, for a total of ELEVEN people staying in the house. TWENTY-ONE bodies for dinner on thursday. SEVENTEEN bodies on friday. approximately FORTY BILLION hours spent cooking in the kitchen: FOUR kinds of sweet potatoes, THREE cranberry relishes, TWO stuffings, and TWELVE pies served. ONE afternoon spent at the atlanta botanical gardens, ONE morning spent at the high museum's louvre exhibit, ONE night at the movies, TWO nights at home watching videos, ONE day of running errands to confirm the uselessness of best buy and drinking margaritas at neighbor's with m. and cousin m. and kansas.

all told, not a bad week. cousin m. and i talked about how lucky we are in our family that everyone's so laid-back; some people have their little irritations, and our dad scrapes against our nerves like we're cats getting rubbed the wrong way, but it's just dad being dad. no one fights, no one gets drunk and embarrassing, no one yells. everyone's nerves were badly fraying by sunday night, but we KEPT IT TOGETHER. returning to work on monday was strange and brutal. what were these piles of paper for? what was i to do with them? and why? i asked myself, "how did i get here?"

b. intervention: we took informal bets on how many times during the course of the very, very long weekend i would be asked what i was up to, what my plans were, WHAT I WAS DOING WITH MY LIFE, but our estimations failed to take into account my niece's wildcard presence as a first-semester college student, and most of the boilerplate life questions ended up deflected her way. for the record, she's highly stressed and very unhappy in her major, but she's making lots of friends and seems to be having fun, so we're hoping next semester will be better; and after that she'll evaluate.

no, all the impatience and worry about the course of my life were deferred until my parents and cousin m. were on the way to the airport, when my mother unloaded; luckily i wasn't there, but my brother seems to have gotten an earful. on wednesday night he and i went across the street to THE RIGHTEOUS ROOM (no lie!) for dinner, compliments of my father ("here, take your sister out"), and after we ordered our first round and debated whether or not i should partition my hard drive (see below), m. handed me a present:

me: wow, what have i done lately?!
me: *unwraps package to reveal a copy of what color is your parachute?*
me: ahhh, it's what i haven't done lately.

and he reported the earful he'd gotten from our mother, and we came up with a plan of sorts, and he gave me ASSIGNMENTS with DEADLINES, e.g. read the book, investigate night classes at emory and georgia state, solicit references for a therapist—because it's time! maybe!—and we ate onion straws and drank many more rounds and then stumbled home drunk.

c. the power of apple compelled me: in fact, i was too drunk to turn on the SUPER-SHINY APPLE COMPUTER that had that day been delivered into my feverish consumer hands! i opted for the macbook—in white, like the white album is white, like it should be playing honey piiiiiiiiii-aiiiiiiiie, i love you! ALL THE TIME—with two gigs of RAM and a 120GB hard drive and final cut express preinstalled for the fulfillment of all my pirating, surfing, songvidding needs. obviously i also opted not to wait ONE MINUTE LONGER. so on thursday when i got home, i booted it up and transferred all the contents and settings of ezekiel to the new computer (new computer still has no name. *frets*) and then spent the rest of the night downloading widgets and arranging them to my satisfaction on the desktop and playing bubble trouble, a game that you should not download for the love of god, unless you don't mind losing YEARS OF YOUR LIFE to it. i tell you this as a friend.

it's so shiny, you guys. SO SHINY. and super-duper awesomely fast, and at first it was running plastic-meltingly hot and the fan was whirring like a jet engine and the battery drained after an hour and a half; but i ran activity monitor, and immediately after disabling the new york times headlines-retrieving widget i'd been running, the fan died down to nothing and the battery time left increased by a hundred percent. o.O i didn't need to be globally informed ANYWAY. over the weekend i tried to trick out safari, becuase i know it's fast and native and passes the acid test, but i couldn't configure it to my satisfaction (i can't find a del.icio.us client that works for me—cocoalicious refuses to load my bookmarks and delibar is only for browsing—and i somehow resent having to pay for saft to plug some—but by no means all—of the holes in safari that inexplicably haven't already been plugged by apple. session saving? hello?) so instead i further tricked out firefox and am finding new extensions all the time. i mugged for the photobooth camera and watched apple's famous 1984 ad and then the spoof of apple's famous 1984 ad, and then some of my favorite songvids on the wide, glossy screen.

we're going to be very happy together.

d. saturday: i found myself in an incredibly bad mood friday night, toward the end of happy hour and on the drive home. i played listlessly with the computer for an hour or so, and then went to bed and slept for fourteen hours. i felt a lot more human saturday morning, i won't lie. met m. and kansas at taco mac down the street, and then we checked out the telephone factory lofts art show; there i saw a photograph of goldfish that filled me with rage, and we found, possibly, the perfect artwork for kansas's kitchen. i watched football all afternoon and evening, FOOTBALL of all things, at m.'s apartment with m. and his friend c.: USC and UCLA (which i feel compelled to pronounce yoocla when it's written out in lowercase) and then florida vs. arkansas, and i asked m. a million questions like why were they lining up like that, and how many time-outs did they get, and when could they kick a field goal, which he very patiently answered in between cursing the gators and cheering them and their chances at the championship. which i understand they now have!

we ordered thai and when the games were over we flipped channels to find the last thirty minutes of van helsing, which was AWFUL, except for david wenham saying that if there was one thing he'd learned, it was never be the first to stick your hand in a viscous liquid.

e. visitors from beyond the perimeter: [livejournal.com profile] silentfire and i have been like busy ships with conflicting schedules playing phone tag and passing in the night, but yesterday she drove down to play dueling laptops and trade music and roll around in fandom. we ate sushi and walked across the street to publix in the cold to get ice cream, and watched the first episode of life on mars, which we think is groovy!

f. don't jinx it: i'm applying—i think?—to this graduate program, and i'm almost afraid to mention it; it was a capricious, spur-of-the moment decision i made when i tripped over its website last week, and i've been busily regretting it and fourteenth-guessing it even as i go about drafting emails to solicit letters of recommendation and fretting over a STATEMENT OF OBJECTIVES, and the deadline's january fifteenth, so it may all come to NOTHING. but there it is. *bites nails*

g. it was twenty-eight degrees out on the drive to work this morning: i feel GREAT today! even after resolving to get the number for a therapist, and the nightmarish prospect of contacting old professors, and the reams of paper under which i am buried at work! i think it's the weather! and the fact that the computer bag i ordered last week—the one that departed california last wednesday and took what sounds like a lovely road trip through illinois, indiana, ohio, and tennessee—should be arriving at the office MOMENTARILY. i love package tracking and plunging mercury and the WORLD.

March 2011

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