walkingshadow: anne taintor. it's not easy being easy. (the day is like wide water)
the vacation went on a week longer than i'd planned and could have extended indefinitely, but michael drove me to the airport yesterday morning after bagel sandwiches and coffee; and after missing the exit twice and wondering belatedly if holiday travelers would put a crimp in my stand-by plans, i bought a ticket and hopped the 11:40 flight. hitchlessly! my dad took me out to lunch when he picked me up at about 1:30, and at home i took a three-hour nap and woke up groggy. after chinese food for dinner i stayed up until five a.m. catching up on fic and livejournal. hello, livejournal!

to sum up, over the past two weeks i

1. started and finished a heartbreaking work of staggering genius, which i loved and laughed out loud at, but recommend with reservations, as it is consciously self-conscious about being self-conscious, and some people don't like that sort of thing. he reminds me very strongly of david foster wallace, the introspective young white literary male endlessly and obsessively analyzing the world, himself, his relationship to that world, how others relate to that world and thus to him, etc., etc., ad infinitum; for a writing style and way of life that seems to ceaselessly strive for meaning and the proper, most effective way of engaging the world, it's a great distancing tool. between you and the experience is always the interpretation, a translation of a translation between event and response and emotion.

2. consumed the following visual media:

a. four full-length feature films: the aforementioned i) harold and kumar go to white castle and ii) team america: world police; iii) the 40-year-old virgin with [livejournal.com profile] silentfire—and neither of us can remember *ever* laughing so hard in a movie theater; and iv) finding neverland, a nice movie that made us cry and yet lifted our spirits, aww.

b. a grand total of, like, fourteen billion hours of fannish television, including i) all 27 episodes of stargate: atlantis; ii) every cheesy tv show and made-for-tv movie joe flanigan appeared in that [livejournal.com profile] isilya in her grace and lovingkindness made available for download; and iii) the entire first season of house, since it came out on dvd at such a convenient time.

c. a tivo-ed episode of bill maher, who talked to anderson cooper* and fareed zakaria via satellite; quoted richard nixon in calling america a pitiful, helpless giant (because, seriously, what is the fucking point of an infrastructure if not to do exactly this, the epic, huge-scale things that federal governments should be good at, even if they're good at nothing else); and had bradley whitford, mary frances berry, and michael eric dyson venting some serious spleen at republicans, structural poverty, and racism.

* anderson cooper is my new hero and has been since a couple of months ago, around the time of the edgar killen trial: cooper was interviewing, via satellite, harlan majure, the former mayor of philadelphia, mississippi and a character witness for killen. early in the interview cooper asked majure why he thought the kkk was a benevolent organization, and majure said the klan took care of the entire community, even "visiting" more whites than blacks, to which cooper incredulously replied, "are you kidding?" and i almost fell off the elliptical machine. the interview continued in exactly that vein, cooper angry and disbelieving, quoting statistics and not letting up for a minute; the poor mayor had absolutely no idea what was happening. i have never seen anything like that on any television news show, ever.

d. early-round action at the us open! between CBS and USA there was hours and hours and HOURS of coverage to be had, and often i could trick people into sitting down and watching with me, ha! there have been some very, very high-quality matches at the open so far this year, e.g. federer-santoro on friday, that was AWESOME. not so awesome was andy roddick going out to giles muller in the first round—and even WORSE, we all still have to watch andy roddick driving a lexus during every other commercial break. and they come often in the game of tennis.

okay, the structural integrity of the list has been compromised, or at least its readability has, or perhaps i mean my patience with letters and roman numerals. speaking of structural integrity: [livejournal.com profile] silentfire made me an omelette one morning, and i sang a little song while it cooked, a song i call "breakfast lament (the green pepper blues)", to be sung to the classic pete seeger tune "where have all the flowers gone?": it starts with the structural integrity of the green peppers being lost to thermodynamic chemical reactions and goes from there.

on sunday a bunch of us went out to six flags over georgia and rode rollercoasters for eight hours, and on monday my brother tried to teach me how to throw a frisbee between matches at the us open, and all told i must have eaten in a dozen different restaurants, never the same one twice and all delicious. i laughed a lot, an awful lot. i went to sleep some nights awash in anxiety, because as much as i love my family and think they're totally neato-keen, i'm not completely comfortable with them, in the way that i'm not comfortable with all but three or four people in this world. but [livejournal.com profile] silentfire is one of them.

i was up at eight this morning but managed to stretch it to ten-thirty, and man was i tired at the gym this afternoon. i'm tired now, too. i can probably trace the cause of the tiredness back to something having to do with five a.m.

sometime soon i will post the pages and pages of sg:a meta that i have been generating, but believe me when i say you'll know it when you see it.

[livejournal.com profile] malelia_honu and i have a lunch date for tomorrow at noon, and tomorrow i have bellydancing class again!, and also tomorrow i will give cousin m. the first season of boomtown on dvd, which i picked up for twenty bucks in the same used-cd store where i found the kaiser chiefs' employment and [livejournal.com profile] silentfire got [livejournal.com profile] gjstruthseeker star trek: the voyage home (but only after we made many, many the search for spock jokes, e.g. spock, spock, where are you? i turn my back for one minute, etc., etc.; also the synopsis on the back mentioned that they eventually found spock's *living essence* in mccoy, and i have no way to interpret that that doesn't involve canonical mpreg. which i suppose is only to be expected from the creative mind that brought you both sex pollen and have-sex-or-DIE). thursday's looking good, is what i'm saying.
walkingshadow: anne taintor. it's not easy being easy. (when we're all brilliant and fast)

the second leg of my late-summer atlanta tour is drawing to a close. i fail at life and didn't say good-bye to everyone before i went to bed last night, and though i was up a little after eight this morning, i only caught my brother and l. before they left for work. i'll leave them a love note.

on saturday we spent the day lazing around, visiting the condos my brothers bought and are trying to sell (if you have $180,000 and are looking for a nice place in the atlanta area, they're charming as all get-out; i'd buy one, but am lacking the $180,000+, woe woe), and watching—of all the movies ever produced in the history of hollywood and the entertainment industry—harold and kumar go to white castle and team america: world police. in between movies m. grilled salmon, entire civilizations were built around the sweet potato, and i made the ice cream run with my niece and nephew to go with our pie.

my sister c. had come down with a sudden and violent case of bronchitis that she thinks she contracted in the hospital when she was having three stitches sewn into her pinkie finger last tuesday, but she was feeling much better yesterday. i went out with her and the boys for lunch and a quick visit to the lovely piedmont park, though it would have been much lovelier if it had been twenty degrees cooler. our conclusion: everything is better in the fall and winter. after an hour of chasing around the kids in the sun, she took herself and the boys home so everyone could take naps; and i went back to the house, where my nephew was working through piles and piles of homework. i kept him company downstairs and continued reading a heartbreaking work of staggering genius: i'm, like, five years late to the party, i know, but it's an awesome book and a funny, interesting read. in case you're five years late to the party, too.

we all met up with c. and the boys again for dinner at an indian restaurant, empty but for our large party, and a party we had. i got a graduation gift of a shiny blue ipod that—did i mention?—is shiny and blue. the monsters on sesame street sing a song about being fuzzy and blue, and that's what's in my head. when we got home i charged it up, named it belle, and sucked the new music off my brother's computer. then my brother a. loaded it up with lectures from the teaching company (including—but not limited to— einstein's relativity, detective fiction, explaining social deviance, and contemporary economic issues, which a. calls the best economics lecture ever given) and al franken reading his own lies and the lying liars who tell them. also senuti, a third-party client that will get all these lovely bits of media *off* my shiny, blue ipod and onto my computer when i get home. i can't believe there's no native program that does this already—this is intuitive, right?—but the problem is solved regardless.

i'll call [livejournal.com profile] silentfire sometime soon, when i'm sure she'll be awake. and we will watch more television together and be stupid over john sheppard. plus she'll probably make me work on my harry potter proto-fic. maybe one day it'll get out of the proto phase.

walkingshadow: anne taintor. it's not easy being easy. (a room where the light won't find you)
my brother has a shiny new toy (which he insists on calling "a business tool"), and i know this because i'm typing on it right now, on his desk in atlanta, while he sorts his laundry. i'm in atlanta. it wasn't a last-minute decision so much as a decision i'd been waffling on about for months and months, and finally on tuesday I just said "fuck it," and wednesday morning my dad drove me to the airport. for $67.70 i got an x-fares stand-by ticket from airtran, and though i was secondarily screened, i still managed to make it to the gate where the 10:40 flight was just in the final throes of boarding. almost as easy as catching a bus. the pilot even got us in fifteen minutes early.

[livejournal.com profile] silentfire picked me up at the airport after some airport shenanigans, and then after a quick stop downtown to drop off a gift for my brother a., and to let them know hey! i'm in town! see you over the weekend! ri and i drove off to her rural georgian home forty minutes north. over the next three days we ate tacos, strawberries, mini-bagels, sushi, and pints of ice cream (not in that order) and lost ourselves in a stargate-induced haze—there is much, much more on that to come! however, for now i've left ri with my entire collection of sg:a fic that i've saved to my hard drive and burned to disk (23MB+ worth) and ventured forty minutes south to visit with the family for the next couple of days. ri and i will get together again for another couple of days after that, and then i'll go home sometime tuesday or wednesday.

they had a hurricane in south florida while i was gone; cousin m. lost power, my aunt and uncle lost power, my grandmother lost power, and my parents did not. they win at electricity! between broward and dade counties there are a million people without power, and all fpl are guaranteeing is that it's going to be back by *tuesday*. i don't know what the storm is busy doing now, but i know that at some point it turned *south*, from broward down through miami and into the keys, so who knows what it's about to do. maybe i'll stick around here until all threat has passed. hey, i'm flying stand-by—technically, i never have to go home. if only, if only.

eta: fervent wishes and crossed fingers to the city of new orleans and the entire gulf coast. o.O
walkingshadow: anne taintor. it's not easy being easy. (the future freaks me out)
I lost the weekend somehow. It was not spent in an alcoholic stupor, I know that much, but suffice it to say nothing happened that was worth posting about. I'll never have that weekend back again. The trouble with life is pacing. Who was it who said time is what keeps everything from happening at once? Because he was wrong. Time moves at its own speed and it doesn't keep tabs on events—those like to spread out unevenly through the fourth dimension. They dogpile, crashing one into the other like a bad day on the highway, backing traffic up for miles while the road ahead stretches clear and barren, miles of unrelieved straightaway inducing hypnosis.

There was a flurry of activity yesterday when I made, broke, and re-scheduled last-minute plans to fly to Atlanta to see Rufus Wainwright in concert and visit with [livejournal.com profile] silentfire and my siblings. If you're between the ages of 18 and 22 you can fly stand-by on AirTran for $59 per segment ($79 for "long-hauls") plus another ten bucks or so in fees, which is and would have been fantastic! Except that the weekends are inadvisable for attempting stand-by; and I would have stayed over until next Monday or Tuesday, but this Sunday is Father's Day and I should be here. It's my dad's first Father's Day without his father. In which case I would have come back Thursday, but it seemed like an awful lot of time spent waiting uncertainly in airports flanking a pretty short visit. And I could have tried flying back Friday or Saturday—because hey, there might be a spot!—but I'm paranoid: I have vivid visions of myself sitting in the airport all day and in the end still not getting on a flight. I've reluctantly taken the pragmatic view and planned a visit for next week (or so?) when I can stay a week complete and not worry about anything. [livejournal.com profile] silentfire, I don't know if you've gotten my voicemails re: all of the tedious above, but I'm sorry about the failing at life thing, and give my love to Rufus Wainwright?

While I didn't do a load of laundry and head to the airport this morning, I did set my alarm as though I were going to do just that, so I found myself awake and breakfasted at nine a.m. A nap never materialized. I did get taken out to lunch by my dad at one or one-thirty (after I'd spent most of the morning and early afternoon methodically (read: alphabetically by author, and I'm up to "D") re-reading the SG:A fic on my harddrive. Lunch was a surprisingly delicious wrap at Waffleworks—of all places—but I could have done without the lunchtime conversation, whose topic was: So What Are You Going To Do With The Next Year and/or The Rest of Your Life? Let Us Brainstorm In Search of an Answer! My dad remains firm in his conviction that I should become a constitutional lawyer; or, barring that, an editor. Of something. It doesn't matter what, but I have editorial skills, you see? It was awful. Because he does want to help, he only wants to help, but I tend to go fetal and non-responsive when I start thinking about careers. He had me trapped in the booth with my really good wrap on the table in front of me though, so I had to grit my teeth and hostile-witness my way through it. I have never felt more like a sullen teenager. Plus the fact that my dad and I are radically different personality types and that he doesn't quite know what would or would not appeal to me in terms of things I would be happy and fulfilled by doing every day for a given large number of days. He's a salesman and he likes people: meeting people, talking to people, being around people. I don't. He asked if I'd ever taken any aptitude tests, and I said yes, I have: it turns out I like everything, except people.* This is not exactly helpful.

I know I am not built for the service industries. In addition to but apart from that, I don't like the idea of working in a service industry. I'd much rather be in the actual process of creating or producing something** rather than form part of the necessary but non-specific network surrounding it. I know also that wherever I end up I won't have a time card and be forced to clock in and out. It's too close to bells ringing to announce class changes, monitored for punctuality for its own sake and not for how much work ever gets done. I am not cut out for nine-to-five. Give me what you need done, tell me when it needs to be completed, and I will do it. I'm fairly sure that I'm not destined for time cards anyway. But I think of working in an office like I did last summer, and part of it is appealing, because it's a culture, with rituals and common experiences: daily commutes (of whatever duration), elevators, clocking in first thing in the morning, desks and coworkers, the lunch hour, the refrigerator in the break room, counting down until it's time to go home—but it's only appealing in an anthropological, or even role-playing kind of way, acting at office work. In practice it would sap my will to live. My dad is able to picture very few jobs that don't involve an office.

I learned at least one thing from our little chat: my statute of limitations. I'd wondered what the cap was for having no direction in life, and it turns out it's right about . . . now. They're still in the supportive stage—merely worried, not impatient—but my dad did joke today about wondering where they'd gone wrong with my brother and me. They may tell you, repeatedly, to take all the time you need, but I've been waiting. It's like an all-you-can-eat! buffet of indecision and some of us brought bigger appetites than anyone anticipated. The proprietors first grow nervous, then indignant; it all ends with icy smiles and polite requests to never come back again.

* When asked to rank these four items: people, facts, things, and ideas, it's a close call between the last three (usually I put it down as ideas, facts, things, but it changes if I stare at it too long) but people is waaaay down at the bottom of the list. There might only be four items, but it's in tenth place. I've probably got some low-grade social-anxiety going, but barring any professional diagnoses, people make me tired.

** Anything—be it a fact, a thing, or an idea.

God, that's all boring. After lunch we drove down the street to the library, who'd called this morning to tell me they had two (TWO) books waiting for me, and before I picked them up at the check-out desk, I browsed for another three. We got back to the house a little before four, in just enough time for me to change my clothes and get back in the car to head up to Ft. Lauderdale for yoga with [livejournal.com profile] malelia_honu. I definitely work up a sweat. My legs shake when it's time to leave. Something to duly note: one can be too flexible. I'll have to take care not to hyper-flex my back.

For dinner my mother made the most fantastic soup ever omg, recipe courtesy Alton Brown. you can even find the recipe for Curried Split Pea Soup behind this very cut tag ) Did I mention it was FANTASTIC? After dinner we watched N.C.I.S. (my dad and I guessed most of the major plot twists) and House: I enjoyed it, I still love him, there were many interesting decisions and reveals, but basically I don't have much to say.

I have appointments to make tomorrow, bills to pay, books to read, and the gym to go to. I was up early this morning, did an hour of yoga, and have had no nap. It is way past my bedtime. I shall take my crossword puzzles with me.

March 2011

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