couched in our indifference like shells upon the shore

[walkingshadow]

Dear holiday shoppers, tourists, and all South Florida drivers, native and adopted,

Unless we're idling at a red light, or we've come to a full stop at a stop sign, etc., it is never a good idea to sit five feet off my rear bumper, so GET OFF MY ASS. This goes quadruply when I'm doing seventy down I-95. Physics says you cannot go faster than the car in front of you more than once, so maybe stop trying. Also, collectively, you have cut me off dozens of times in the past four days. Your depth perception? Is not OPTIONAL. It's a natural consequence of your stereoscopic vision, and Darwin worked hard for that shit, so feel free to use it. I shouldn't have to slam on my brakes to avoid smashing into the very broad side of your SUV just so you can cross the road whenever you feel like it. A good rule of thumb: if you can make out the murderous look on my face as I struggle not to flip you off, you're cutting it too close. Feel free, of course, to get off the roads entirely.

Yours,
&tc.

*

Dear Hummer owners,

Are you fucking kidding me?

Incredulously,
B.

*

To: Harry S. Truman, the White House
Copy: Secretary General, United Nations

Dear Harry,

WHO'S RESPONSIBLE?

Affectionately,
A dissatisfied customer