walkingshadow (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
walkingshadow) wrote2009-10-22 04:53 pm
walkingshadow) wrote2009-10-22 04:53 pm
let's talk about spaceships
okay, i know it's been more than eighteen months since i last posted substantively, which is symptomatic of a whole host of issues, but HELLO.
let's just sum up the past eighteen months with these basic keywords: unemployment, crippling debt, inertia, major family rift, major depressive episode, continued unemployment, etc. elaboration available upon request! things have been basically horrific, and are about to become horrific on a compressed timeline, hooray!
of course, not every day could be terrible (though there was a five-month period where i swear the world was made entirely of white noise), and lately there's also been tv nights with m. and kansas, karaoke nights with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
silentfire, visits from gjstruthseeker, trips to see my parents, babysitting for a brand-new baby, volunteering at an adult literacy center, and the changing of the seasons; most days i not only get out of bed, but out of the house. things may be just as bad, but i'm certainly perkier about them.
and through it all, there has always, always been the internet. i leveled up on lurking on livejournal, i expanded my newsfeeds, i cycled rapidly through twelve or fifteen fandoms (merlin, bones, iron man and marvel comics, heroes, leverage, etc.; i've been basically obsessed with star trek: reboot since may), and probably read a couple thousand stories total, most of them bookmarked here. fanfiction—and the internet at large!—was where i buried myself when i couldn't bear to think about my life and couldn't stand to listen to the thoughts in my head. this is still true.
and i've had things to say (or squee, or rant) about those things i've read, in fandom and out of it, but one of my biggest problems is that my instinct is to withdraw when i urgently need to engage; and so i am going to try very hard to do just that, starting here, by writing more, commenting more, living outside of my own head. i've been drafting this post for about a year.
hello, hello, hello.
let's just sum up the past eighteen months with these basic keywords: unemployment, crippling debt, inertia, major family rift, major depressive episode, continued unemployment, etc. elaboration available upon request! things have been basically horrific, and are about to become horrific on a compressed timeline, hooray!
of course, not every day could be terrible (though there was a five-month period where i swear the world was made entirely of white noise), and lately there's also been tv nights with m. and kansas, karaoke nights with
silentfire, visits from gjstruthseeker, trips to see my parents, babysitting for a brand-new baby, volunteering at an adult literacy center, and the changing of the seasons; most days i not only get out of bed, but out of the house. things may be just as bad, but i'm certainly perkier about them.and through it all, there has always, always been the internet. i leveled up on lurking on livejournal, i expanded my newsfeeds, i cycled rapidly through twelve or fifteen fandoms (merlin, bones, iron man and marvel comics, heroes, leverage, etc.; i've been basically obsessed with star trek: reboot since may), and probably read a couple thousand stories total, most of them bookmarked here. fanfiction—and the internet at large!—was where i buried myself when i couldn't bear to think about my life and couldn't stand to listen to the thoughts in my head. this is still true.
and i've had things to say (or squee, or rant) about those things i've read, in fandom and out of it, but one of my biggest problems is that my instinct is to withdraw when i urgently need to engage; and so i am going to try very hard to do just that, starting here, by writing more, commenting more, living outside of my own head. i've been drafting this post for about a year.
hello, hello, hello.
no subject
no subject
thanks for that. :)
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
I hope that things become better and brighter for you! If it weren't for the aforementioned crippling debt, I would suggest a soul-reviving trip to Australia!
no subject
thanks for the good wishes.
no subject
one of my biggest problems is that my instinct is to withdraw when i urgently need to engage
really resonated with me. That's totally my m.o., too, and I understand how difficult it can be to break out of that. I struggle with it a lot myself. Good luck with everything - I hope you do post more, just because I enjoy reading what you have to say.
Good luck with everything.
no subject
it is so difficult! and it took a really long time (and professional help) for me to even recognize the behavior, let alone admit that it was problematic, LET ALONE try to go about changing it. the thought alone is exhausting.
i'm definitely going to try to post more, and more regularly. it means a lot to me that you're reading. and thank you so much for the good wishes. :)
no subject
no subject
hello! :)
no subject
no subject