walkingshadow | I bet you do enough just to get by

Boy did I fail at life today. With maybe an hour to go before the deadline (keeping in mind I needed to print the paper at the computer lab and deliver it to his office) I started writing. My hands shook and my legs wouldn't stop jouncing under my desk—my quads were weak and wobbly when I finally stood up. It didn't go very well, but it went; I was over the cap by at least 200 words because I seriously didn't have time to make it shorter, and I couldn't even pretend to start making something up about the second question. I am handing in my bullshitter's license. I am going quietly. The second question was worth 35% of the total grade, so there goes that; of course, he may not accept the paper at all: I was about forty-five minutes late in dropping it off, and there were only two other essays in the box, so I'm sure he'd removed the on-time ones when he said he would and left.

What gets me is that this is SOP. The first essay test I didn't start the reading for until the day before it was due and only got a few pages into one of the books; I wrote it in a couple of hours and was maybe twenty minutes late to class; I got an A. Obviously I wasn't trying hard enough. But not this time! I'm like the apoplectic king in Cinderella, shouting saboteur! and slashing at myself with a dress sword. Those were my thoughts walking slowly home from the dining hall with an apple in one hand and an orange in the other, but then I was very, very tired. I took a nap for a couple of hours and then had a great night at the gym. I'm hungry again. I feel like I'm always hungry. The doctor never called me last night—or tonight—though I tend to think not hearing from medical professionals bodes well. I have errands I've been needing to run all week but haven't yet. I'm tired, so tired, so tired.