(no subject)

[walkingshadow]

It's 11:00 and my roommate is going to bed. What. the fuck. ever. I'm reading and writing until I fucking don't want to anymore.

*My god. Another night of zero accomplishment. So, so much to do and so little motivation, inclination, energy to begin. Used to procrastination and no longer feel guilt; only adrenaline and panic in the eleventh hour. The same mistakes and never the wiser.

Going to bed hungry again, stomach empty and questioning. Should have remembered to eat dinner.

*I want to absorb the world, to notice the grass and the sky and the street I walk on every day and never see, to sense each skittish and ephemeral instant, every little eternity in all its fullness and potential, I want to feel awake and attentive, not stumbling around dream-walking at all the wrong moments.

So bloody tired. Lies in bed and stares at cinderblock and ceiling, brain maddeningly circular, active and insistent and never shutting up.

Comments

::wink::

[gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com]

drink some coffee.
no, really.