walkingshadow: anne taintor. it's not easy being easy. (quite a fashionable dispassion)
walkingshadow ([personal profile] walkingshadow) wrote2006-03-18 02:42 am

just so you know, you sound like a fortune cookie

a. okay, i joked about it, but i really don't know how to post anymore. i thank god every day for the alphabet.

b. i've been reading back through my old livejournal entries: i used to post more, though i didn't have so much more to say; ninety percent of last year's posts were bitching about classes or panicking over papers and half of it took place at maude's. i was kind of surprised by what i didn't post, though. i read through the entirety of my last semester at school, this time last year, and it's a relatively accurate chronicle as far as it goes, but it's awfully skimpy and i tended to gloss over things. granted, there's a limit to how extensively you can beat yourself up about leaving a thousand-word paper until two hours before the deadline after staying up all night goofing off when it's the sixth time it's happened in the last two months—i mean, at some point it really does go without saying—but some things are glossed over, and other things aren't there at all.

my parents came to visit one weekend, and one of the places we went was cross creek, one-time home of author marjorie kinnan rawlings. and i posted about that, but all i said is that we went there—no mention of how clear and cold it was that day, how the world felt yellow and blue while we stood on the shore in the sun, that there was a swingset my mother and i swung on, that i wore the scarf i'd made myself over winter break, that the tour of the house was led by a groupie in period garb and there were cheerios in the authentic pantry and a desperately affectionate orange cat hanging around the steps outside. the cat had fleas. and obviously i remember all of that anyway, so maybe i didn't need to write it down; maybe all i needed was the placeholder, a post-it note of a journal entry just to jog my memory; though the memory's only a year old now.

i've got mentions of how horrible the roommates were, that's good, and what we discussed in anthropology that semester and how much i loved it, and how boring my history classes were; there's very little mention of the godforsaken research paper, except around deadlines and the feverish end-run to to get it written along with the rest of the projects at the end of the year—maybe i'll look over it again one of these days, maybe i'll post it for you; it has to do with the language you speak, livejournal! you can tell me i got it completely wrong, and it won't matter now.

[livejournal.com profile] gjstruthseeker popped up regularly in the landscape of my life, every time we got our hair cut together or holed up at maude's—and it felt like we were there at least once a week. what i never posted about at all, not once, was what a hard time i gave her for, oh, the first half of the semester at least, maybe two-thirds, for sinking all her time into the paper and her colleagues there—not just when i worried about when she didn't sleep or eat or go to class because of it, but how resentful i was for the time she gave them and the plans she sometimes had to break with me, how abandoned and jealous i felt, how incredibly passive-aggressive i was about it, and how mean. we talked about it eventually—maybe we even had it out—and in my memory it was mostly my apologizing for my irrational and possessive claims on her, for begrudging her that life, and for treating her so badly because of it. she let me get away with way more of it than she should have. but i never posted about it, and i couldn't have—not even a post-it note—and in a few more years would i have forgotten it entirely, or would the context of events always be enough to conjure up my bad behavior if years from now i took it in my head to re-read what i was doing in the spring of 2005?

c. i feel like my brain is running at half-speed. this is probably due to four parts sleep-deprivation, three parts mental stagnation, two parts boredom, and one part despair.

d. for my birthday—not last thursday, but two weeks ago thursday—my dad woke me up at nine-thirty in the morning to take me to breakfast on the beach where it was very bright, oh god so bright on three hours of sleep, and then to a movie theater where the only thing showing was eight below which it turned out he'd really wanted to see; so basically for my birthday i was a better daughter than i am for the majority of the other 364 days of the year. and the movie wasn't terrible: paul walker = exceedingly pretty; the dogs = AWESOME, jesus so awesome; and a few minutes of the action took place at McMURDO station (aka "MAC-TOWN") omg. McMURDO. my fannish heart went pitter-patter. afterwards, i retreated to the house for an afternoon nap (because if you can't nap on your birthday WHEN CAN YOU) before heading up to ft. lauderdale for sushi with [livejournal.com profile] malelia_honu. the employees at hollywood video sent us home with dot the i's, but back at her place we watched our other rental, chris rock's most recent HBO special ("a father's only goal in life is to keep his daughter off the pole"). at home again late that night jules IMed me to wish me a happy birthday, and didn't mean to wreck me with helpful career and life guidance, but these things happen. you go to sleep wrecked, you wake up wrecked; may the new year be a good year for me.

e. i watched the oscars with [livejournal.com profile] malelia_honu because awards shows are wanktastic, but we do adore jon stewart. the next time i have to watch four hours of red carpet, montages, and acceptance speeches because jon stewart says so, i'm doing it with ALCOHOL. hey, who has an academy awards drinking game?

f. it was my grandmother's birthday the monday after mine. we bought her a plant and took her out for chinese food; she might have remembered why.

g. [livejournal.com profile] silentfire sent me a t-shirt because she's awesome and we're dorks and it's the funniest thing in life. i wore it and cracked myself up all day.

h. [livejournal.com profile] gjstruthseeker hopped the train from lakeland and came into town for the weekend, which in her world meant wednesday to friday last week. ostensibly it was a belated birthday celebration, and granted we did go downtown for thai and gelato, and to the beach for lunch and a walk in the water, and to jaxson's for ice cream, and she kept buying me meals, but the REAL purpose of the visit was to pimp me into battlestar galactica and then RUN. *shakes fist*

we made it through the miniseries and the first three episodes and yes, everything the world has ever said is true: it's a beautiful show. it has depth and arcs and pretty, pretty people, and quite the talented cast; it lays groundwork, it leaves mysteries, it has continuity; it invokes religion and mythology and the dilemma of man vs. machine and what happens when the lines blur. it has characters i care about! it has callum keith rennie! it has an enormous budget and makes very good decisions with it, knowing just when to downplay or highlight violence or the moment for maximum effect. like the west wing and criminal minds, i have zero desire to seek out fannish resources or fic, but i would dearly like to know what happens next.

the discs weren't hers so she couldn't leave them with me, but still. STILL. the library will get them to me one of these days; of course, amazon would get them to me SOONER. perhaps blockbuster will make a middle ground.

i. oh, and also while jules was here we settled in for a good long chat about what i'm going to do with my life, featuring all sorts of rationalizations and navel-gazing on my part, and lots of praise and encouragement—highly flattering, though i still don't really believe most of it—on hers.

CONCLUSIONS:
  1. somewhere between then and now, between perfectionism, self-handicapping, non-contingent reinforcement, and apathy, i lost my internal motivation. i always procrastinated, but i don't know how i went from wanting to do a good job to doing a good job even when i just put in half the effort and a quarter of the time, to actively sabotaging all my efforts and getting paranoid when i was told the product was still quality.

  2. i sleepwalked through college. i didn't read the books; i didn't research the papers; i wrote everything in the few hours before deadlines; i kept to myself and away from my professors and fellow classmates; i ignored internship, scholarship, fellowship, job, and research opportunities. i emerged with a double major and a transcript that says i a) studied at cambridge over a summer, b) joined golden key honor society (never attended a meeting, never met with anyone affiliated with it; basically i deleted emails for four years) and phi beta kappa (still not sure how), and c) had a good GPA (As, two Bs, and one C—in the seminar class of dooooom); i also emerged with what is, essentially, an incredibly superficial education, no lasting relationships with anyone in a position to guide me or recommend me to strangers, and no direction. this is nobody's fault but my own, and that's true of everything.

  3. sometime in my senior year i came to the conclusion that if i had it all to do over again (and when i say "it" i'm limiting myself to my undergraduate college career), i would have gone to a much smaller school in a much larger city. somewhere with higher standards, a higher caliber of average student, but most importantly a much more intimate environment: professors and advisors that kept a close enough eye on me that i couldn't get away with not doing the work, who cared about the work i did, and not only expected but demanded (that is, could get me to produce) greater things. cambridge was obviously an extreme example of this, and i was a little culture-shocked at first; but it eventually made me realize that where i'm most comfortable (i.e. remaining anonymous in the city-like atmosphere of a large state university) is not where i'm going to be challenged to do my best work. and it turns out i need to be challenged, because i won't do it on my own.

  4. i am LAZY. lazy, lazy, lazy. i've got these inclinations to detachment, denial, and avoidance, those are my defense mechanisms and the way i handle things, and at the moment i've got nothing pulling me out of them, no real motivation or deep interest in anything, and i never realized how much i relied on momentum, but i'm stalled out. at this point it's imperative that i do something, and it doesn't actually matter what; but every day goes by and still finds me sitting on my ass.

  5. did you read this article? it's about how we admire but also hate people who are very much like us and yet doing better than we are. she says: To be truly idolspicable, someone must be thisclose to your own age, background, educational achievement and career, and they must be of your gender and general situation in life; there's no use idolspizing Gisele Bundchen, Stephen Hawking or those whose surpassing physical and mental gifts put them beyond the pale of human spizolatry. and yet—i'm hideously jealous of stephen hawking. stephen hawking, roger federer, presidents and inventors, famous authors and fictional characters: if you're successful, if you're talented, i resent you for it and want it for my own. and i know there's no use to it; it's just the way i live my life.

  6. everyone talks about visualizing your goals, but that doesn't actually help me. i have an extremely vivid and active fantasy life, and always have; i've never bothered to separate the realistic goals from the pie-in-the-sky daydreams (e.g. i'm positive i will never win wimbledon or the gold in gymnastics), and i've therefore never associated picturing what i want with formulating and then implementing a set of actions to acquire what i want.

  7. i vacillate between thinking i'm quite smart and could do pretty much anything i wanted to do, and being sure that i'm nothing special. i'm realizing more and more what a strange high school i went to, because i was surrounded by people like me. i was in the middle of our group and i held my own, but there were a bunch of people smarter than me, more active and more driven, and i forget that we were just a bell curve of a bell curve. and yet—what does it matter, when it's that same small subset of the population i'm always going to be competing with in academia?

  8. in conclusion: if my life were a fannish media source and [livejournal.com profile] thefourthvine was writing the roundup, my apparent motto would be "if i could do just one near-perfect thing i'd be happy."


j. i think—i think—i've finally reached the ceiling on "i can't believe i'm STILL LIVING IN THIS HOUSE." it's not that it's horrible here; it's just that it's here, and i am ready, so very ready, for some new tensions in my life. i'm not asking for none, just different ones that the ones between my PARENTS and me, the same ones i've been ready to get away from for the last, you know, TWENTY-THREE YEARS. you never think you're going to be that person, but here you are.

k. inspired by the above, a short list of things i want, aka "goals to work for":
  1. to find myself in another part of the world. places that feature most prominently in my anywhere-but-here: the northeast, the pacific northwest, the british isles, the continent, and australia.
    requirements: TBA

  2. a new computer. specifically a macbook with all the trimmings, new speakers, new headphones, an external hard drive for all my pirate needs. arrr.
    requirements: approx. $3,500 USD
    sub-requirements: income, aka a job

  3. a ph.d. i want a ph.d. like [livejournal.com profile] hetrez wants one, just for the having. other people want cars, i want to be over-educated.
    requirements: research into programs, colleges, cities, and faculty; solicit letters of rec; study for and take the fucking GRE
    sub-requirements (optional): topic of interest


l. we had dinner at my aunt c.'s house last friday and it was refreshingly not horribly boring. i watched paper moon with my dad when we get home, a movie i knew nothing about except for ryan and tatum o'neal, and i found it 100% charming. it's a period piece, and everything was right—the sepia, the accents, the bibles and the cars. two minutes into it, i went looking at the DVD box to find the director's name, because it was such beautiful, distinctive work: establishing a frame and allowing all the action of the scene to take place within it, without moving the camera. i thought it was fantastic.

m. saturday night [livejournal.com profile] malelia_honu and i were supposed to watch dot the i's, the movie we'd rented the weekend before, but she'd left it at work; so we watched high fidelity instead. that crazy john cusack! thank god he grew up. likes: jack black, todd louiso. dislikes: lisa bonet. i just don't, okay?

n. two people in two days randomly mentioned t. s. eliot's "four quartets" and i love t. s. eliot, and i went off on a, a thought tangent, in which i compared the process of reading a poem to playing a difficult musical piece, i.e. you generally break it down into component parts, work on the parts, work on the parts in combination, until eventually, with practice and repetition and concentration on the tricky bits, you understand all the parts and then can synthesize the parts into the whole and seamlessly play your way through it. which gives some element of production—or at least reconstruction—to the reading of a poem.

o. in re this week's NCIS: i would love every character on this show to bits and pieces if it wasn't for the DIRECTOR. i don't remember hating lauren holly this much previously, but possibly i just hadn't gotten to know her well enough. my dad approved of switching out kate for ziva because ziva is a much stronger character in a lot of ways and brings different skills, background, M.O., and personality to the team, and i liked kate but i can see what he means; and yet, it's like they took two steps ahead with ziva and three steps backwards with the director, who is weak, emotional, smug, ineffective, and thinks she knows more than she does. she's supposed to have history and still-smoldering chemistry with gibbs, but she DOESN'T, and mark harmon can have smoldering chemistry with a wet paper BAG. she thinks she knows him inside and out, but she's been proven wrong half a dozen times, and he plays *her* like a fiddle. she was, of course, not particularly but typically useless in this episode, getting emotional and strapping on her sidearm like she was going to go down there and what, do something? and she needed *ducky* to soothe her fragile nerves and approve her decisions. what was ducky even doing there? i adore ducky, and i realize we wouldn't have seen much of him otherwise, but way to take away all of the director's credibility. way to go.

okay, now that i'm done being hysterical about that, this episode was all about TONY. tony of my heart! i was completely unsurprised by the way he stepped up and how competent he was, because i've watched the show, and he does that shit all the time. one day, when i finally write up my NCIS pimp post of doom love, i will go into rambly, besotted detail about tony-the-big-kid, tony's need to please, the reason tony and gibbs work so well together, and the reason gibbs keeps tony around. for now though, if you're reading this and you actually care, check out this article (transcribed) and what [livejournal.com profile] twoweevils had to say about it here.

other things to love: gibbs (forever and ever amen) and his ASL, the team (and the MARINES) responding to tony's leadership, tony's gut, abby (though i didn't think the slap-fight was nearly as funny as i was supposed to), and the way they saved the day! i called speed as soon as we found out the bad guys were using the other webcam, but it was still a damn good idea. and double-fisting the pizza at the end was adorable.

p. because house wasn't on this week and i always forget to watch scrubs akjhdfkashj, i watched supernatural. people. this show is HILARIOUS. also i think i've seen it before, except it was called buffy: the vampire slayer and the banter was better. it even had DARLA before her brain tumor made her super-skinny.* to be completely fair, i probably shouldn't be judging the show entirely on its faith-based episode**, but it really did feel like x-files meets buffy, and they both did it better. if i liked the leads and got sucked into their story,*** that would be different, but i suppose this is as good a time as any to express the unpopular fannish opinion that i don't find either jensen ackles or jared padalecki to be particularly attractive—though their names are FANTASTIC. and jared padalecki's hair is hideous. have they checked the hair for supernatural qualities? are they exercising CONSTANT VIGILANCE?

what would have made this episode exponentially more awesome: if the reaper (who i called a reaver SIX TIMES) had actually been george from dead like me.

* inappropriate brain-tumor humor? (omg THAT RHYMES. *goes straight to hell*)
** seriously, i have a habit of catching shows on their weaker nights. the one and only time i saw lost was the Very Special charlie-kicks-his-heroin-habit episode. i mean, come on.
*** where the story is something like "father missing, sons looking for him while carrying on his work of exorcising demons across this great land of ours," right? the dad's been in the backseat the whole time, hasn't he? "just kidding, boys!"


HOWEVER: this does fulfill my one-episode minimum prerequisite for fic-reading.

q. speaking of unpopular opinions: i suppose i could care less about march madness if i tried, but why expend the effort? on the other hand, there's no rain at indian wells right now, next week they're playing the nasdaq right in my own backyard, and the rest of the country doesn't even know who roger federer IS, so i figure we're even.

r. on wednesday i went with my mom to the aventura mall on a wild-goose chase for dishes. i ended up making a list of things i hate, including (but by no means limited to): 1) the city of aventura, 2) malls, 3) conspicuous consumption, 4) brand-name loyalty, and 5) people in general. this sunday she's dragging me off to sawgrass, oh god.

s. this week's criminal minds was a repeat, but i watched it anyway (because it's awesome) and it inspired me to finally, finally, for the love of god, make icons. I THINK I GOT MY MOJO BACK. i owed [livejournal.com profile] saturn92103 and [livejournal.com profile] leksa icons from, like, a month back, but i finally made good.

and then last week's criminal minds finally finished downloading at 7:30 this morning (coincidentally: also when i went to bed!) and i watched it this afternoon. it's all about hotch, except that it's all about all of them. it's like the west wing in the way that whoever's onscreen and speaking at that second is my absolute favorite. they're such a team, and they so obviously know and like each other, and they're good people, they do the right thing, or try. and in a way they're like, the anti-SGA, because they're so rarely stupid, and when they are stupid for, you know, a second, they realize later that hey! they were stupid! and then they FIX IT and THEY AREN'T STUPID ANYMORE. the concept is so strange and new!

t. yesterday was our weekly dinner at my grandmother's; we brought thai. she doesn't remember names most of the time anymore, but she still knows who i am. last week she'd forgotten that my grandfather had died a year and a half ago (my dad's dad, not her husband), and asked if anyone had heard from him recently. the other day she confided to cousin m. that my mom and dad looked like they might "make a go of it." last week she thought she was at our house, not her apartment, and asked as we were leaving whether anyone was going to take her home.

u. [livejournal.com profile] malelia_honu pulled me a virtual pint because in general she's, oh, a thousand times more awesome than i'll ever be. cheers, baby. here's to you.
isilya: (Default)

[personal profile] isilya 2006-03-18 09:42 am (UTC)(link)
You should absolutely come to Australia. We have a great range of post-grad studies!

[identity profile] wax-jism.livejournal.com 2006-03-18 01:33 pm (UTC)(link)
::shoves the Aussies out of the way::

Yes, but also lots of poisonous animals that want to kill you. You should come to Finland where nature is gentle! Chilly, but gentle. And it's cheap to go to school here!
isilya: (Default)

[personal profile] isilya 2006-03-18 01:40 pm (UTC)(link)
I think Finnish school might be too cheap, if you think that Finland is part of "the northeast, the pacific northwest, the british isles, the continent, and australia."

Granted, Finland is north-east of Florida, but [livejournal.com profile] walkingshadow is a Florida native--you can't simply transplant her to the icy wilds of Finland with the two hour days and the vårtrötthet and the lack of Japanese food!

Rather, sunshine, and miso and cheap vacations in South-East asia and t-shirts and flip-flops. And my spare room, with the highspeed wireless DSL, the fluffy robe and the gentle glow of the Ikea lamp.

[identity profile] wax-jism.livejournal.com 2006-03-18 01:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey, it's on...a continent.

There is too Japanese food! We just had it a few weeks ago. Cim's been telling you tales again, hasn't she?

And speaking of Cim, she's pulling through. I think you underestimate the fortitude of our friend. And mind that we may have two hour days in the winter, but we have 22 hour days in the summer to compensate. I think one can say the weather here is interesting with four distinct seasons. And lots of beautiful nature to put the weather in! Or so the brochure says.

They're bringing IKEA to us! Soon we'll have a lamp, too. Then our battle will be fiercly even!

Oh yeah, DSL with unlimited bandwidth! Ha!
isilya: (Default)

[personal profile] isilya 2006-03-18 02:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Soon we'll have a lamp, too. Then our battle will be fiercly even!

But I play dirty.

*lures [livejournal.com profile] walkingshadow with the chance to study Australian dipthongs*

[identity profile] wax-jism.livejournal.com 2006-03-18 02:08 pm (UTC)(link)
But how about a whole different language, a fascinating, unique language, beloved of Tolkien, full of its very own diphthongs!
isilya: (Default)

[personal profile] isilya 2006-03-18 02:10 pm (UTC)(link)
How about tickets to the Ford Australian Open?

bitter defeat!

[identity profile] wax-jism.livejournal.com 2006-03-18 02:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Buggeration, bringing up the sports angle is just below the belt. I can't even come up with anything remotely equivalent as my interest in sports is <0. Finland is good at most things involving snow or cars, the rest, not so much.

Re: bitter defeat!

[identity profile] walkingshadow.livejournal.com 2006-03-19 11:09 am (UTC)(link)
You should come to Finland where nature is gentle! Chilly, but gentle. And it's cheap to go to school here!

oh god, i have honestly never considered finland as a place of either residence or education, but you talk it up so good! long ago i decided to consider my most desired locations first and who i know who lives where, and *then* worry about what universities were around. there are an awful lot of good universities. and hey, finland! huh. i looked up the climate with my hands over my eyes, but it turns out not to be as horrifyingly freezing as i thought! i mean, it's considerably warmer than, say, the dakotas in winter—and cooler in summer than anywhere in the U.S., which is frankly a bonus. finland! uh, i have no idea. your diphthongs are indeed awesome, but the idea of learning to speak a finno-ugrik language daunts me just a little.

They're bringing IKEA to us! Soon we'll have a lamp, too. Then our battle will be fiercly even!

i find it fascinating that australia had IKEA before you. don't you share a border?

Re: bitter defeat!

[identity profile] wax-jism.livejournal.com 2006-03-19 11:38 am (UTC)(link)
You could always learn Swedish first, like Cim. But she's also taking Finnish now and seems to like it.

The weather is not horrifyingly freezing, as such, but it is dark and wet for half the year and can be depressing.

Now the long sad tale of IKEA in Finland, the Cliff's Notes version: Sweden is an old empire as you may know, a former super power. Finland was once (for centuries upon centuries, until 1803 or so when King Gustav III squandered large territories in pointless wars, to Russia) a duchy of Sweden. Obvs, due to long history of independence, etc, Sweden is just generally better at everything than Finland (independent fr. Soviet Union in 1917, devastated by losing war w/ same 1944, basically a developing nation until late 60s, partially under Soviet thumb until fall thereof), and we are green with envy and those goddamn Swedes won't come here with their cheap stylish furniture, thank you very much. (To add to this, Finland is quite famous for design, and we take much pride in the modernist/functionalist style which IKEA also uses--we were ahead back in the day with that sort of thing.)

So basically envy, low self-esteem, resentment and a lot of history. We're not really enemies, though, it's a sort of big brother/little brother kind of thing. And of course, once IKEA was here no one could resist and the stores are popping up like mushrooms after rain.

Re: bitter defeat!

[identity profile] walkingshadow.livejournal.com 2006-03-22 09:30 am (UTC)(link)
huh, thank you for that. i'm familiar with most of the political history, but i never thought of it in practical, modern, consumer-economic terms. makes sense, of course.

The weather is not horrifyingly freezing, as such, but it is dark and wet for half the year and can be depressing.

the idea of that perks me up, actually. i'm kind of like the mushrooms.

[identity profile] walkingshadow.livejournal.com 2006-03-19 10:21 am (UTC)(link)
*dies*

thank you for starting an international bidding war over where i go to graduate school. i have never felt more wanted in my life. <333.

i have to say that australian diphthongs are INCREDIBLY COOL. and the prospect of the australian open—that is, actually attending the australian open—made me squeal a little bit. but this:

Rather, sunshine, and miso and cheap vacations in South-East asia and t-shirts and flip-flops. And my spare room, with the highspeed wireless DSL, the fluffy robe and the gentle glow of the Ikea lamp.

--you should write BROCHURES. except then you'd have half the globe knocking on your door looking for your spare room. you know you're the main reason australia's on my prospective radar, right? right.

i looked up canberra at your bureau of meteorology: i tend to wilt in summer and i had fearful visions of desert climates, but canberra's climate is much more mild than i expected! and apparently somewhat unusual for the continent at large. *g*
isilya: (Default)

[personal profile] isilya 2006-03-18 01:41 pm (UTC)(link)
*shoves back*

[identity profile] wax-jism.livejournal.com 2006-03-18 01:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Meanwhile, the thing about Supernatural was that I knew I was going to love it the moment I read the 'two brothers in a car! hunting monsters!' blurb. Starting out, I had no particular thing for neither lead--although I was familiar with Jensen and knew that I didn't hate him, despite his silly name--but I think I would have loved it even if the brothers had been cast right off 7th Heaven. Sure, plot-wise, X-files did it better, and dialogue-wise, Buffy did too, but no-one's done a proper two-lead us-against-the-world show in ages (really, since XF, who HAS?) and omg, I needed that.

[identity profile] walkingshadow.livejournal.com 2006-03-19 11:23 am (UTC)(link)
see, this is why i thought i'd have to give it another shot. i mean, was i right in saying "faith" probably wasn't one of their better episodes? because i could really get behind a two-lead us-against-the-world show, plus the fandom seems to be chugging along nicely; i was just really primed for the brother thing and the family thing, and all i got was the faith-based episode and a monster of the week. probably also at work were the perils of moseying into the middle of the season without benefit of established (and ongoing) problems and relationships to underlie even unrelated action.

[identity profile] wax-jism.livejournal.com 2006-03-19 12:33 pm (UTC)(link)
Jumping into the middle of this show is only going to give you disappointing writing (if you were somehow expecting actual good writing on a WB show, like some deluded fool! eternal optimist) and suspect plotlines and you can't see the character continuity they've managed to retain throughout all this nonsense.

I've been trying to come up with some kind of explanation for my feelings re: Faith, but I have to confess that my viewing is so blatantly shallow that it won't suffice. I like it despite the gaping plot holes because everyone looks beautiful and Sam does the eyes-brimming-with-tears thing and Dean looks like the heroine from La Bohéme and Sam doesn't feel too bad about accidentally killing a guy to save Dean, and so forth.

Obviously none of it stands up to deeper philosophical analysis, but, uh. The WB? This ain't BSG. People will be all, "this episode was just not giving us any new information about the deeper motivations of the characters! it was pointless rehashing!" and I'm like, "but what about the shot of Dean with his shirt off? hardly pointless! I want more rehashing of that!"

I think Faith wasn't a total waste of time, but it's probably not somewhere you want to start cold. I tried to show 'Asylum' to Cim at one time, not realising that the enjoyment I got from that episode, much like Faith, was based on my previous knowledge of the characters.

I can't say what ep would in fact stand on its own unless you're properly primed to watch it as what it is, which is a short, enthusiastically dodgy horror feature every week. Set your expectations to match, or start from the beginning to see the Big Picture (TM).

I'm a bad pimp, bad bad pimp, struck with the honesty bug. I can't talk it up! I love it to death, but Supernatural is at the SGA level of fun. It does have potential, like SGA s1. Now it can go either way, grow into something awesome like the x-files or buffy (and then sink into nonsense again around the fifth season, ha ha) or it can succumb to cast bloat and rampant, non-fun stupidity like SGA. Duhn duhn DUHN!


(Now I'm forced to look up my own recap of Faith (http://wax-jism.livejournal.com/1204209.html)--it transpires that it made me CRY, so I am defeated. I loved it. Moving on!)

[identity profile] tenebris.livejournal.com 2006-03-18 02:01 pm (UTC)(link)
You know, I am divided on whether you should post more often or continue in this vein. Because your posts are genius, but this post is, I guess, SUPAA GENIUS. It reads like a cross-section of the space-time continuum of your brain. ♥!

(I'd be more coherent if I hadn't been up for many, many hours on a skosh of sleep. You understand, I'm sure.)

[identity profile] walkingshadow.livejournal.com 2006-03-20 08:44 am (UTC)(link)
It reads like a cross-section of the space-time continuum of your brain.

! dude, i was just thinking that the digest version of my life is the default version, but i like your way better. [livejournal.com profile] malelia_honu thinks i should have held out even LONGER, until i made it ALL THE WAY TO Z. maybe next time!

You understand, I'm sure.

oy. only too well. i'd ship you naptime if i could!

[identity profile] silentfire.livejournal.com 2006-03-18 02:22 pm (UTC)(link)
while i'm sure that it's very flattering for you to have people arguing in your livejournal comments about why you should move to where they are, i'm not exactly sure why they're bothering. because you're coming up here to boston. no, shut up, you *are*, and that's the end of it.

letters i through k=story of my life (we're so on the same page!)

okay, mentioning sga and criminal minds in the same sentence just makes my brain go to the [livejournal.com profile] sga_fusion place and omg i want it now. great. thanks a *lot*.

dude, sawgrass is the eighth level of hell. i feel your pain, having been dragged there on numerous occasions myself.

[identity profile] walkingshadow.livejournal.com 2006-03-20 08:51 am (UTC)(link)
hey, did you see the northeast in the number-one spot?! i think you did. :-p

WE'RE SO ON THE SAME PAGE.

okay, mentioning sga and criminal minds in the same sentence just makes my brain go to the [livejournal.com profile] sga_fusion place and omg i want it now. great. thanks a *lot*.

you are most welcome! wait, was that sarcastic? the B.A.U. in ATLANTIS! . . . yeah okay, my brain exploded too. *fzzt*

[identity profile] leksa.livejournal.com 2006-03-18 05:54 pm (UTC)(link)
"if i could do just one near-perfect thing i'd be happy."

But would it count if you'd near-perfectly described my Life Dilemma while describing your own? I suppose not, and still. I so do like it when you make these big chewy posts.

Also with [livejournal.com profile] wax_jism on the Finland option - cheap education & they really don't mind even if you spend foreverity working on it... ahem. Also Battlestart Galactica synchronized to your current viewing schedule!

[identity profile] walkingshadow.livejournal.com 2006-03-20 09:11 am (UTC)(link)
i think it *would* count. which just goes to show that my apparent motto only tells half the story (my real motto is "if i could do just one near-perfect thing i'd be happy for about thirty seconds, after which i would need to go searching for the next great thing, cycle repeats").

cheap education & they really don't mind even if you spend foreverity working on it... ahem. Also Battlestart Galactica synchronized to your current viewing schedule!

ooh, bonus, bonus. generosity of deadline and battlestar galactica! there's another way i should be sorting out my options—not just projected expenses, but AVAILABILITY OF THE FANNISH SOURCE. *reassigns priorities*

[identity profile] malelia-honu.livejournal.com 2006-03-18 11:07 pm (UTC)(link)
You were only 5 away from the whole entire alphabet...you've gotta learn to hold out longer! :)

(d) Anyway, regarding napping on your birthday, don't even try to fool these nice, kind people of the internets into thinking that you only nap one day of the year. A more appropriate comment would be somewhere along the lines of, "Today was the 60th consecutive nap day of the year 2006."

(m) And, btw, that movie? I WISH I LEFT IT AT WORK! Can't find it. You know what that means? "24-hour copy shop from hell!" What? Sorry, wrong movie. It means that I have lost yet another item that is not mine into the abyss of either my car or my room. On that note, I've decided to clean out my car tomorrow (probably because it's smaller than my room and I have to do something about this mess.). I'll call you if I need you to come claim anything.

(r) I am totally with you on all of those, but I would still go to sawgrass with you and your mom on Sunday if you need me for moral support. That and your mom is too cool. Although I'm sure that's like when everyone is telling me that my mom is cool and the only thing I can think is, "Yeah, but you don't have to live with her." Your mom still rocks way hard. So there!

(u) I was hoping you would get a pint of Guinness or other darkish alcoholic liquid impression from it. The first time I saw it, I was all, "Is that a Coke?" 'cause it's got the straw in it and all, but then I was all, "But it's got a head, it's all foamy! It's alkeehol!" But now, I just want a root beer float.

(z) The saddest part of all of this? This is the most I've posted in months and it's not even on my own journal. So sad....

[identity profile] walkingshadow.livejournal.com 2006-03-22 05:35 am (UTC)(link)
(d) "Today was the 60th consecutive nap day of the year 2006." ahaha! okay, it's not so much that i nap all the time as i stay up until ass o'clock in the morning and then sleep waaay into the afternoon, which doesn't leave much room for napping; except sometimes i get sleepy around, oh, DINNERTIME, but that's not prime nap time unless i want my mother to get all, you know, whatever.

(m) o.O okay, but it has to be somewhere between the car and your house and work, right? i mean, right? hey, let me know if you find anything cool, which is totally the best part about cleaning out anything. "oh my god, i thought i threw that out in 2002!"

(r) no, no, generally my mom is pretty cool—i mean, i have my moments when i'm like, i need to get out of this house now now now, and sometimes she's part of that, but it's just me going crazy. you and your mom are like me and my dad, where it's all button-pushing ALL THE TIME.

i would say we should hit sawgrass with the combined force of our personalities, but we um. have no money. damn it.

(u) mmmmm . . . root beer float . . .

(z) :-D the alphabet is your friend! so are arbitrary starting points and random events or items of interest.
isilya: (Default)

[personal profile] isilya 2006-03-19 03:00 pm (UTC)(link)
i tend to wilt in summer and i had fearful visions of desert climates

Australia *is* hot, there's no getting around it; don't let the bureau of meteorology fool you. They don't factor in what I call "glare", analogous to wind chill factor--glare is basically the fact that while it might be 90 degrees in the shade, out in the open the sun is beating down with all the fury you'd expect of a massive fusion reaction. It hurts to walk outside--the rays slap you in the face and around the shoulders. Cars heat up to 150 degrees in a matter of seconds; when I open my car doors, I can actually see the heat escaping.

However! Australians are canny folk; we have the best air-conditioning in the world, a grand tradition of verandahs, coastal cities that gratefully receive sea-breezes, and the attitudes to cope with so much sunshine.

Seafood, al fresco eating, a strong Italian cultural backbone that expresses itself in excellent espresso, pasta and focaccia at every café, breezy cute fashion, SPF 30+ and ice-cold beverages.

[identity profile] walkingshadow.livejournal.com 2006-03-29 06:52 am (UTC)(link)
They don't factor in what I call "glare"

that—yeah, that's *exactly* what i was afraid of. i do love all your coping mechanisms though. mmmm. i'm trying to imagine whether they'd be enough (along with a huge, dark pair of sunglasses and a wide-brimmed hat) to keep me from melting into the sidewalks. one day i will find out!

[identity profile] gjstruthseeker.livejournal.com 2006-03-19 03:15 pm (UTC)(link)
a lot of what we did that lost semester took place at Maude's, didn't it, but that's mostly because I knew you were easy for coffee and I was desperate not to let go the one thing in my life that actually made me happy as opposed to bring some kind of masochistic joy. and it's even more criminal that I waited much too long to force our hands on the issue because I know *exactly* what it's like to feel left behind, especially by someone I never doubted my place with before.

what I should've told you a lot sooner than I did is that my satisfaction came from the work I did for the first time since having English with Iggy, that the affair was with the paper and doing it right meant finally finding something that made me want to get out of bed and accomplish something again instead of dragging my feet through meaningless classes. but all I wanted to do at the end of it was come home to gripe about the insanity of it and the lameness of most of the people in it with the single person who's pretty much singlehandedly responsible for my sanity still being any sort of intact and almost never anything but ingeniously insightful. none of the rest of what my life was really mattered if I lost it but you, and that's probably why I didn't push the issue sooner, because I know how well you do when people push and I kept thinking work would let up, that we were just going through a phase like we sometimes do, that one of us would say something over coffee and it would all be all right again. but I do hope you never have occasion not to feel irrational and possessive about me, because you're kind of on the hook for all of that with me.

also, I keep trying to tell you that the meal-buying was my half-assed attempt at making up for the truly stellarly lame move of not getting you an actual gift. not that they pay me much, but they're paying me more than I need, and it's either spending it on a few good nights out with you or picking up a crack habit.

oh, and what I say to you? I always mean, even if it takes me way too long to come out with it. remember the ZPM.

[identity profile] walkingshadow.livejournal.com 2006-03-29 07:09 am (UTC)(link)
i am easy for 1) coffee, 2) independent coffee houses, 3) board games, 4) old movies playing in the background, 5) pie, and 6) the company of my best friends. UF called me the other night ("hello, would you like to give us money?") and i let the girl get ALL THE WAY THROUGH her little script, and one of her questions was whether i'd been back to the campus since i graduated, and i laughed in her ear. okay, i only laughed on the inside. but if i could pick up maude's and transplant it to my neck of the woods? i would be all over that.

that's probably why I didn't push the issue sooner, because I know how well you do when people push

um. i think i go into blanket-denial mode when pushed? it's all part-and-parcel of the passive-aggressive package—and that's the part that makes me squirm with shame to think about, because it's one thing to be jealous and bitter and exasperated (all issues of rightful or wrongful possession aside), but there's a way to be a person about it, and that way was not my way.

it's either spending it on a few good nights out with you or picking up a crack habit.

dude, i am SO MUCH BETTER THAN COCAINE. hey, if it keeps you off the streets . . .

oh, and what I say to you? I always mean, even if it takes me way too long to come out with it.

i know you mean it. i know! there's just a gap between knowing you mean it and believing it to be true. i am working on eliminating that gap; non-contingent reinforcement is nobody's friend.

but you're mine. :*
ext_6545: ((insert appropriate reaction here))

[identity profile] bunnymcfoo.livejournal.com 2006-03-25 10:37 pm (UTC)(link)
....and what would have made this episode exponentially more awesome: if the reaper (who i called a reaver SIX TIMES) had actually been george from dead like me. is why i am freaking delighted that i occasionally reread friends stuff from their own jornal pages, because i missed this entry when you posted it the first time.


B, i am now crying and having a hard time breathing i'm lauging so hard. i do have to disagree with you tho, as i think it'd be even BETTER if it were Rube who showed up, but DUDE. YOU WIN AT EVERYTHING.

[identity profile] walkingshadow.livejournal.com 2006-03-29 06:46 am (UTC)(link)
see, i thought about making it rube, but then i thought about GEORGE: misanthropic, apathetic, tiny, blonde-haired, "i don't want to be doing this anyway!" and "rube's going to kill me, there are THREE MONTHS* WORTH OF POST-IT NOTES with my name on them," and "you two aren't even supposed to be able to see me!" GEORGE, and sam and dean would just be all OMGWTF forever.

i don't see rube ever letting himself get trapped, but if he did he would be all disappointed disapproval and righteous fury and "do your parents know where you are?"

* substitute actual time, which i am not going to pretend to remember
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[identity profile] bunnymcfoo.livejournal.com 2006-03-29 07:15 am (UTC)(link)
*ded ded ded* either way, oh god, cross-over of SHEER JOY.